2010 NRL Season Preview - Melbourne Storm

The Melbourne Storm wield their footballing power like some sort of super Communist Party. Craig Bellamy is leading a revolution to overthrow their bourgeois rivals and help build the Storm's socialist nation. Like Communism today in China and Cuba - it works a treat.

Cameron "Trotsky" Smith is in charge of policy.
Cooper "Castro" Cronk is head of the Politburo.
Ryan "Hu Jintao" Hoffman is Secretary General.

Brett "Fidel's little brother" Finch has just joined the 'party' and fits right in. 

On the left - the new Rugby League revolutionary power. On the right - The Godfather of Communism, Vladimir Lenin. Frighteningly similar representation.

In their own version of the October Revolution in 1917, the Melbourne Storm came of age in 2006 and have played in every Grand Final since. If it weren’t for 'Trotsky' Smith being assassinated/suspended for the decider in 2008, they may have won 3 in a row.

The Melbourne club even recruit like a communist party; they reach all parts of the world in their search for loyal workers. In fact, the Storm must be the only club that has recruiting links to every league hub in the world.

Bellamy has recruited from:
NSW - His home state where communist spies have surveillance strategies in place. 

NZ - The move to Melbourne is made easier due to similar climate.

QLD - Home of Storm feeder teams.

Victoria - The state's Junior League has developed into a genuine competition and breeding ground.

England - Bellamy recently went on a scouting trip to the UK with his assistant coaches.

It has all lead to success and they deserve congratulations.

However, some in league circles claim that Melbourne found a loophole in the rules and invented a controversial defensive technique that nearly destroyed the idea of Rugby League as entertainment. The grapple tackle, the cruncher, the squeezer, the wanka..... or something along those lines... were all allegedly created by the Storm to slow down the opposition attack.

The only comment I can make on this issue is that when opposition players decided to defend themselves against these dangerous tackles, the outcome made for magnificent viewing. (This is a 5 minute video - but the slow motion replays of each part of the brawl are worth it)

Retaliation always makes for gripping entertainment.

However, I'm not interested in biff alone. I also have a few questions:

Who would win a Hairy Arm Competition between Ricky Ponting and Cameron Smith? Ricky has been doing it for years, he deserves the W.

If we persist with the above Communism comparison, who would be Joseph Stalin? I couldn't possibly compare anyone to Stalin, the disgrace of Russian history - but if I did it would be Billy Slater.

An all powerful Stalin organising the Great Purge of 1930s Russia. 

Is the Storm 2010 forward pack completely underrated? Yes... This blog believes they are fantastic and will do some serious damage in 2010.

How will anyone stop the defending premiers? It's possible, but you must prepare for an onslaught from the most powerful Revolutionary Russian of them all, standing side by side with his socialist comrades....Greg Inglis.

The greatest Bolshevik who ever lived.

Tip - Nobody stops them as they make a fifth consecutive GF.

X Factor – Brett White and Aidan Tolman. Historically, Storm front rowers have been the corners of Bellamy's 'Red Square of Success' and this must continue.

Premiership odds - $7.50. It probably won't get any better. Why not invest?

Breakout season – Dane Chisholm. Plays like a young Matthew Johns but quicker. The standout of Melbourne's under 20s team in their premiership victory last year and has the ability to replace Brett Finch in 1st grade this year. He will represent NSW one day.

2010 NRL Season Preiview - Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs

The key to success for the Bulldogs in 2010 could be their number 6. They have consistent and sometimes predictable performers in all other important positions so Ben Roberts' form is crucial to the Dogs premiership tilt.

This raises some early questions:
Is the five eighth position slowly becoming important again? Yes, after years of fans suffering through second row types in the 6 jersey, its time for the little men to shine again.
Is Ben Roberts one of these little men? Don't call him little. I wouldn't want to get on his bad side based on these events.
How long does it take to recover from capsicum spray? About 6 months based on Ben's form last year.
Was Roberts' 2009 form and good behaviour enough to suggest he doesn’t deserve this kind of commentary? Yes, but its hard to resist.
Should Ben Roberts be the New Zealand halfback for the next 5 years? Most definitely. The NZ selectors are complete buffoons for picking Nathan Fein over Roberts.
Have I now asked too many questions about Ben Roberts? No
Is Ben Roberts the man to lead the Canterbury attack when Kimmorley moves on to a media career? He will be judged on this soon enough.

Can he be amongst the elite in 2010?

To digress, the Dogs have a disciplined and talented side with a lethal backline, great coaching staff and a forward pack that should carry them to the finals.

The only roadblock could be their recruitment policy. It seems that nobody is offered a contract at Belmore unless they pass certain 'good bloke' criteria. Corey Payne is a perfect example. A career club footballer with a good work ethic but chased by the dogs due to his impressive moral fibre as shown in this interview. Steve Turner was recruited because he is a damn fine human being and Dene Halatau through his impeccable character.

Furthermore, Kimmorley and Mick Ennis were signed in 2008 with unimpeachable reputations. This sends a clear message that crimes of the past, (guilty or not) will never be repeated. Bulldogs CEO Todd Greenberg understands that unfortunately in business, perception is reality.
Translation? If you tell a lie often enough in the media, people will start to believe it.

The dogs' new reputation has delivered greater profits, making possible the purchase of huge inflatable creepy looking mascots.

So, more questions:

Can a group of good blokes turn into a premiership winning football team? Nice guys might actually finish first.
Can Mick Ennis sledge his way back into the NSW number 9 jumper? He deserves it.
Will Canterbury leagues club be worth more than the entire economy of QLD? Absolutely.
How many Taxi drivers will end their shift inside the aforementioned club this season? 12,822.
How are the new TAB facilities at Canterbury leagues? Top shelf
How does this compare to other leagues clubs' facilities? Stay tuned for this blogs "NRL Leagues Club Review" to find out.
Why does Lee Te Maari look so angry in this profile photo? My word, it looks as though he is about to leap off his seat and rip the photographer’s arms off.

Tip - They play Parramatta twice this year - both games will be massive and this excitement will lead to a semi final replay. If we are lucky.
X Factor – Guess who.
Premiership odds - $7.00. Wait until a form slump pushes the odds out and then get right on them.

Breakout season – Gary Warburton is built like a prototype second rower. With 2009 semi final experience under his belt, he could turn into something special.

2010 NRL Season Preview - NZ Warriors

The greatest thing about the New Zealand Warriors is the fact that there is a time difference between here and Auckland. A Midday kick-off (Sydney time) is the best way to start your Sunday afternoon. 6 hours and 3 games of footy later you'll emerge bleary eyed and realise that you've just indulged in an absolute marriage killer.

The schedule for these special Sundays gives supreme satisfaction to the sporting senses - and ususally looks like this.

Midday - Warriors v visiting team - This early game's magnificence is punctuated by the 'home town' Sky Sports commentators. A more biased team of analysts you will not find. Simply hilarious and very entertaining.
Halftime - Lunch and perhaps your first beer of the day.
2pm - Usually a Raiders game from Canberra - it looks cold, the opposition players look freezing and you realise you were silly to tip against the Raiders at home.
4pm - Channel 9 pop in with the match of the round but this comes with a slight disappointment because you know it's not live and their will be commercial breaks. However, it's still footy and by this stage you've had a few.

6pm - You realise you have work tomorrow and proceed to pop the top off a few more.
7.30pm - Order a pizza, check how badly your tips have gone and wait for fantasy league websites to be updated.

Warriors home games on pay TV are always a highlight.

Moving on to another positive about the Warriors…. the Under 20s team. They've been consistently impressive for two years and can play away. Ben and Jody Henry are exceptional footballers with the former recently named the under 20s captain. If these players can be blooded into first grade successfully, the future looks bright.

Ultimately the Warriors need a halfback, and here's hoping Brett Seymour is the answer.

Speaking of answers, we must first ask the questions:

Is this Brett Seymour article on the Warriors home page good news or bad news for warriors fans? Only time will tell - but it looks and sounds suspiciously like Corey Pearson announcing his intention to lead the league in off-loads in 2002. There are insufficient historical records to confirm or deny the reaching of this goal.
Can Wade McKinnon re-establish himself as one of the code's great custodians? We hope so because the kid from St. Clair has loads of talent.
Can Steve Price play until he is 50? Why not, and more importantly will he and Brett White renew their rivalry in this years Origin contest.

He should play forever.

Will the owners of the Warriors website realise their are only 16 team members listed on the player profile page? Apparently not. Perhaps they don't need a full squad.

Tip - Ivan Cleary is the first coach to be "under fire" this year. They miss the eight.
X Factor – Lance Hohaia - he knows how to find the try line and has plenty of experience. Belongs in the number 6 jersey and should stay there.

Looks happy to be on the field. Lance Hohaia needs more playing time.

Premiership odds - $34.00. If you are the 'mad butcher' with plenty to spend, then have a go. The rest of us should probably hold on to the cash.
Breakout season - Jody Henry - Looks dangerous with the ball in his hands and hopefully will get some time in 1st grade. Has the talent to be a good NRL halfback.